I love you

Dear Emily ~

My amazing little girl. What would life be like if you weren't here with us? I'd miss your giggles, humor, kisses, precious feet, heart grasping touches, and looking in to one of the most beautiful hearts I've ever met. You are so incredible.

You fall asleep against me, and I run my fingers through the little bit of hair you have. Run my fingers across your skin, feel your little fingers, and marvel of the pure magic of life that brought your little body together.... so perfectly. I've noticed two little birthmarks on your back. Angel kisses :)

Today Jennifer and I were talking about the blessings donors bring in to our lives, and she commented how very much your dad loves you and how obvious it is. Oh, how much he does Emily. When you're with him his eyes just sparkle and you can see the pride radiate from him. When we talk online about you, you can hear the pride in his words. You are so very much loved.

There's a moment of thoughts that creep across the magical bliss of love for you, and it's the moments that could have so easily taken you from us. I still wake up and check your breathing at night. A read last week about a mother who lost her infant son, she went to check on him sleeping and he had left this world :( I remember too clearly the panic and fear I wouldn't wake up to get you to take that breath. Each night I fell asleep terrified, and prayed.

Tonight I picked you up and you jumped up and down in my lap grinning - looked at me in my eyes and then leaned forward and gave me an open mouth kiss on my cheek. It took me a bit before I could muster up the ability to wipe away the dripping slobber :) and as I type this my heart just skips in love. Tonight you also stuck your tummy out for tummy kisses - oh such cuteness!

I look behind me and Alyssa is curled up with you. She took you from me and asked me if I could turn on some music. You curled into her on her shoulder and fell asleep. Now the two of you are laying together, sleeping, on the pillow. She loves you so very much, and without doubt you can see all the love you have for her too.

Sweet dreams my little Emily.

Three Teeth!! Plus many thoughts.....

Dear Emily ~

As I type this you're laying in my lap half asleep, nursing. You're 8mo now. Eight months.... not too much longer and you'll be sitting in front of you're first birthday cake! As if it was yesterday I remember holding you as a tiny little baby in my arms... you're not so tiny anymore. You are full of so much life and laughter, you never cease to make me laugh along side you. You bring magic in to each day.

A while ago I moved my bed out, which you seemed to fall off of more often then my poor heart could handle anymore, and have a setup on the floor which I enjoy. I also have a baby gate around us so you have the freedom to still play with your toys if you wish, while I can cat nap. You are safe, that's the most important thing to me. You seem to really enjoy it. Last week your brother was awake doing homework while we slept and I remember you nursing and crawling around, while I remained half asleep. He told me the next day that you woke up and wondered down to the end of the "bed", played with your toys, came back - started nursing - and fell back asleep with me. Oh how much I love our sleepy times together. This morning I was up before you answering some emails, you made a "good morning" noise, smiled at me - and while I watched you closed your eyes and fell back asleep. You are so precious, Emily.

Last week we had a scary thing happen. With documents that had to be taken care of very early the next morning, I stayed the night at your dads house. We went for dinner and then rented a movie. You were protected in his arms while we walked, when in the darkness of the night a pothole type spot (circle holes on the side of the sidewalk that is usually covered) wasn't seen and your dad tripped. He went down so hard, but somehow with all his will he kept you protected. With the force of the fall and forward motion, you came out of his arms and slid forward across the pavement when his elbow and wrist hit the ground. My heart can't thank him enough for how he instinctual embraced you as long as he did, for all you ended up with was a tiny scratch on your head and barely a bump. He is my hero. You cried for maybe 10sec and went on grinning and babbling. Your dad limped and held his arm. You were ok. He is still healing... you are safely asleep in my lap. Hopefully the city will take care of it before anyone else gets hurt.

"Thank you, Shawn, for protecting our daughter - I hope your wounds finish healing soon and that you have no lasting injuries".

The piano!!! This is still your most favorite item. When your grandparents (my parents) were here, I pulled out the piano so grandma could see how much you loved it. Well before you were on your way she bought it for the family for Christmas. You have seemed to aquire it by the passion you show :) I had your dad place you about 3ft back, left us giggling as you scrambled/crawled excitedly and started playing :)

Here's a video that I took for your dad to share with him your delight, of course it brought up all the wonderment of what you may enjoy as you grow and how we could nurture your passions as you show them:

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

You are so loved Emily. My heart wraps around you every moment. It's been so very precious to watch the relationship and love continue to grow between you and your siblings. You seem to be extra close to Alyssa, and how much she loves you. A few days ago she came home from a book club meeting... when you saw her you grinned and your eyes twinkled as she talked to me. She looked down at you, "Hi, Bubbles!" and you leaned in to her as if to hug her. She took you and gave you a kiss ~ you giggles.

You are such a blessing to our family *hearts*

Oh... I almost forgot!!! You have THREE teeth now!! You have two lovely sparkling bottom teeth, and your very first top tooth came through last night. Your top right. You aren't biting while nursing anymore... but you love to chew on my finger and try to bite my nose and chin. It was cute when you had gums, not so comfortable with teeth :) So I tend to dodge your open mouth aims, while hesitating in case it's a kiss your actually giving. And how much you like giving kisses :)