5 Weeks

Dear Emily -

I found the battery charger today for the big camera, so hopefully I'll have a few nice pictures of you take tomorrow! These were taken Sunday, just two days ago.

I still find myself often stunned when I look at you, but your absolute beauty is capturing me more and more also. Jennifer says that you are getting more and more beautiful each time she sees you also. Your spirit continues to mature into this incredibly strong and grounded being, it's incredible to watch and feel. You, are incredible.

Yesterday I watched you interact for the first real time with Alyssa. As I held you in my arms with you facing her, she leaned over and took your finger in between her lips softly and lifted up your hand. You seemed to realize it was her that had what you realized as a part of you, and grinned and talked to her. It was amazing to watch. She did this a few times, and each time you responded the same. Jennifer watched you also, and said that she has never seen a 4-week-old interact that way with another person. You really do seem ahead of yourself.

Don't grow too quickly Emily :)

You still aren't put down that much, I enjoy having you in my arms. I enjoy carrying in in the moby carrier, and enjoy feeling you close and safe. One may say to put you down, but really, that time will come all too soon enough when you'll rarely want to be held and will enjoy your independence instead. I'll enjoy this time right now.

Last night you scared me again. You were sleeping over my chest, and I woke up and watched for your back to rise. And waited. And watched. And worried and waited, and finally couldn't wait any longer and rubbed my hand over your back. You threw your hands out and gasped a BIG breath in. I talked with my mom, your grandma, about it and read a bit online. It seems to be normal - your color hadn't changed and I doubt I waited the full 10-20 seconds that they say to wait... I am just grateful that I have you sleeping with me. You still have the cold, which could play a part in things also. I feel more comfortable with the ability to check on you, to see you breathing.

Over your next handful of years you may never see me check you, but I'm sure as you enter kindergarten I'll still be checking your breathing at night. I still do so for Katie, and she's almost 6.

My sweet Emily, you are so amazing. Not a day goes by that I don't tell you so. I still kiss your cheeks and run my hands over your head, ears, arms, feet, and toes. Every part of you is incredible. I love you so very much.

First Cold

Dear Emily -

I feel so bad for you. A light cold went through the house, and I had high hopes that you wouldn't catch it too. I've been sneezing, and a few mornings ago woke up with a sore throat. The girls experienced it too. The feeling went away and have been left with a slightly stuffy nose. This morning you showed more signs of a cold yourself :( You coughed today and expressed that your throat hurt :( It's a minor cold, which is nice, but it's still something I wish you didn't have to experience yet. The idea of you feeling any discomfort is sad for me :(

Your diaper rash is looking so much better!! I wonder if when you're a mom, if this stuff called Butt Paste will still be around. I have used another Lotrimin product too, but that Butt Paste is incredible stuff :)

Your blow out diapers have been quite impressive! Luckily I haven't felt the need to hose you down yet, you're still small enough that you've been quite wipe-able, which I've appreciated.

Today your dad and I are meeting up to take are of the motorizing for your birth certificate. Yay! Patricia is coming with your dad to take are of a few things at her bank too, and then we're all off to a water park. Your sisters are SO excited. Charis will be able to meet your dad also - she's heard a lot about him but hasn't met him yet.

Your behind me right now trying to sleep in your swing - not the easiest thing for you at the moment with stuffiness, but you sure are trying.

Dear Emily

Dear Emily -

As I type this, you're behind me sleeping on the bed while I am sitting here pumping for Gia. You are so perfect and beautiful, and seem to be getting more so every day. Your cheeks appeared to be more filled, and you're undoubtedly getting bigger. You look bigger. Also, your newborn onsies don't really fit anymore - you've moved on up to 0-3mo items. There are some 3mo that you're able to wear also.

The only challenge your facing right now is a diaper rash, but even then you don't complain about it. What you wish for most, always, is to be held close in someones arms. I don't seem to get much done, and I'm still learning how to balance your (and my) desire to be close, but I'm just fine with this. I'll get the hang of it all soon. Each moment I am cherishing being with you.

It still breaks my heart when you end up crying when I'm driving, there's nothing I can do but get to where I need to be so I can take you out and hold you close. You seem to understand this and quiet down fairly quickly, although I find great comfort that one of your sisters is sitting next to you talking to you. I've strapped in your seat base just inside the van door so I can always reach back and touch you if I need to. For me, this brings me comfort. Today, with all the errands I ran and the hot temperature, you were incredible - such a perfect baby.

It's been said in the surrogate community that every time an intended parent looks at their child they think of their surrogate. I didn't doubt this before, but to experience it is something different. Each time I hold you, I feel great thanks in my heart to your dad. Last night you fell asleep on my chest, and as I stroked your hair.... your arm.... felt your feet and ears... I felt such gratitude to the man that helped you join our family. Today, as you looked at me with your beautiful eyes and talked, I thanked him. Every moment I find myself so grateful. You are so deeply loved, Emily. Alyssa, a handful of times today, came up and kissed you and said, "I love her so much".

I can't imagine our family without you. Thank you for being my daughter.... and for being the most perfect littlest sister :)

Little Beauty

Emily has been quite the character today. In the past she's been smiling more and more, but nothing that I can truly say was absolutely on purpose and repeated again. Today though was different. Alyssa went to take some pictures of her and at one point we all were laughing and Emily grinned big (I remember her doing this at the 4D ultrasound, we laughed and on the screen we saw Emily grin also). She looked at Alyssa and started smiling, Alyssa snapped the camera and Emily grinned bigger. It was all just so darn cute! :D

07-02-10

Emily's dad came over yesterday to spend time with her, but also so I could get some yard work done. The yard work didn't end up happening, but I got a lot done in the house! I was hopeful I could get a shower in too, but no such luck... I barely got the vacuuming done! Emily ended up reaching this time in the evening where although she wasn't really hungry - even though she kept making the noises that she wanted to please nurse - she just wanted to stay attached to the breast and fall asleep. Silly girl. I definitely can't thank her dad enough though!! I wish I had taken a picture last night, her dad is the most amazing multi-tasker! He had a sleeping baby on his chest, my 5yo next to his side, and the two of them were making origami items. Very cute!

Emily has reached this interesting new stage. At just shy of four-weeks-old, her strength in personality has climbed. It's not strength in vocal personality, but grounding and with her body. When she eats now, it's with determination to get the nipple.... something I can really only place the word "ravenous" to, even though it's not out of hunger. Today I had one of my legs resting below her feet and as she grabbed the nipple she grunted and shoved her feet down to push my leg out of the way. She's been doing this with her hand, if I am tickling her or doing something she doesn't appreciate, she places her hand on mine and pushes it out of the way. Really, at three weeks old??

She's now not only occasionally holding my finger as she nurses, but regularly holding either my finger or my shirt with one hand and my shirt on the other side of whichever breast she's eating from with her other... power in nursing, she seems to be focused, LOL

What an amazing little girl :)

06-30-10

Dear Emily -

One of the greatest joys lately has been watching you with your dad. My heart just smiles, it's been a long time since I've seen a father completely melt when holding his daughter, and walk with such pride when she's in his arms :) He loves you so much, and it's obvious to anyone who sees you with him. He's also quite a natural too!

It's been exciting to be able to share things with him, not just over chat or even this blog, but for him to see things I share with him with his own eyes. Such as tonight, he was able to see your politeness and little talkings. He is such an amazing person, I find myself wanting to be able to share everything about you with him. Maybe it's because he's so patient and welcoming of whatever may come. I enjoy that about him. I wonder if you'll be this way too?

As much as I want to cherish every single day of your babyhood, and hope you don't grow up too fast, I also have felt myself looking forward to when you're older and can spend more time with him. "Time" came up in conversation tonight, which I'm glad for - it made me realize that rather then Jennifer hanging out with you while I try to catch the yard work up, your dad should be offered the fun joy of it :D He's coming over tomorrow, possibly with Patricia, to spend time with you while I work outside. For my mommy heart, this is great! I am close by if I feel the need to touch or kiss you, yet he's not having a mommy hover over him while he enjoys his own time with you :)

I'm so proud of him, and so proud of you too!