Belly Button Ring..... and growing baby

I think the time is finally coming. It's time for the belly button ring to come out. This is the longest pregnancy it's lasted with - with the last two it had to be removed around 25 weeks, when it started catching on shirts and feeling uncomfortable. Maybe tomorrow I'll remove it. Luckily, I've never had an issue being able to put the ring back in a few weeks after the baby is born :)

I can feel the baby growing, but my tummy sure isn't! I grew VERY fast in the beginning, but I feel that I look now, at 30wks, the same size that I looked at 20 weeks. The midwife mentioned that this is most likely how it would happen, and how it happened with a friend also. I wonder how big I'll be as I come closer to 40wks? Will my stomach stay roughly the same size, while the baby continues to grow and expand the home he's in?

The Joys of Pregnancy

30 weeks, and these joys have picked up.

I am enjoying feeling little feet inside, shoulders moving, and the delight that I'm not getting my ribs pounded with feet, or a head slamming on my cervix. Even hiccups are as gentle as can be.

But - oh - the other joys....

Walking often times hurts. I end up looking like limping hobbling animal. I try to take a step, and pain shoots down my right side stemming from my lower back.

Sneezing, if I don't find the angle of hold just right, I can end up peeing a bit. Not fun at all if my toe accidentally catches on something and I trip - I have to go change my pants. I can laugh about this with other mothers, especially mothers of multiple pregnancies. Oh what carrying these little guys can do to our bodies. I wonder if I'll ever get full and complete control back.

Turning over in bed. This is quite difficult! I'll lay there, debating if it's REALLY worth everything that it will take to turn over. Even when my shoulder is in pain from laying so long on one side, I'll still debate. Turning over, still feels like a big flopping weighted down fish out of water. It's not easy, and just turning over can hurt also.

And yet I smile, at my two daughters who find that sleeping in my bed is more enjoyable then in their own, so I'm squished into an area that's smaller then a twin size bed width.

Exhaustion. I haven't been doing too bad this last week or so, I've been pretty full of energy.....

.... That is until my body just isn't able to keep up with all that I ask of it (to be able to get the garden installed and going this year, cleaning up the property), and I end up waking up and attempting to walk to the bathroom.... everything above ends up feeling x10.

I feel like a HUGE blimp - not bad when I remember that it's because of this little munchkin growing away *grin*. But in the business of life, and the gentle little guy inside, I often still find myself forgetting.

Ah, a few of the many joys of pregnancy :P And yet I love it! LOL

30 Weeks

30 Weeks... that's how far along I am today. It's incredible, really, how fast time seems to have gone. From the meeting of this man, to sharing of dreams, an offer to donate from him, acceptance from me, and the growing of a friendship and respect - along with the realization of both of our dreams. It's humbling.

I laid on my side this morning, feeling this little baby moving around inside. He's so gentle. As time continues on, I feel myself not so gripping onto 'what I want at the birth' and wondering instead how I can create a special experience for everyone.

The kids are excited. Jonah didn't realize that there was only 10 weeks left, he sung - especially when Jennifer and I pointed out that if he was this excited, how excited would he be if there was a penis on the baby that comes out - he sang :) Even if the baby is a girl though (which he's expecting since Jonah is my only son out of six children), he'd be delighted. He still does express that it's hard to believe that this baby is really for us and really is staying. Alyssa, too, is excited, and Katie.

Me? I sure am getting there, especially as I feel this baby move around more and more. I daydream about the day of his birth, and looking to see if the baby is a boy or a girl. I'm not looking to forward to the pain though - all six children have been born without any drugs, but these last two deliveries have hurt quite a bit, most especially the last one!

I find myself often hoping that I can give everything possible to this baby. Will he be just as peaceful in my arms, as he feels to be inside? Can I wear him on my body most of the time? I think about teaching him gardening, having a deep respect for the land and energy, and riding a horse. I also think about what type of relationship is father and him will have together as the months and years pass, and how I can support their relationship even if this child doesn't live with him.

I feel so peaceful inside, and thankful.

What a gorgeous day!

Precious little one, 27 weeks 6 days

Ben, our Goffin

It's such a beautiful day here today. The sun is shining, occasionally going behind passing spots of clouds. As I type this entry, I am looking out over the top of the computer screen and out the window, watching Jennifer ride Pheobe. I continue to feel so much thanks for what I have in my life.

The little life inside of me seems to grow more each day. Usually he's so quiet, but there are moments when he's full of life and makes himself known from inside his secret world. I love feeling him move, adjust his position, give little bumps and taps. Often times I find myself reaching down to cup this not-so-little-bump and saying, "I love you baby". And how much I do.

Katie is so excited for her baby brother or sister to arrive

My tummy has never received so many kisses

I noticed last night in my thoughts, that I am relaxing on the hold of, 'I don't want this all to end yet', and settling into peaceful thoughts of when this baby's birth time comes. I look very forward to that moment of when he is born and I hold him in my arms for the first time. Seeing the kids and their reactions. Jonah so proudly states to others, "My moms pregnant! I'm going to be having a baby brother or sister in June!" I still don't want to know if it's a boy or girl, loving this magic of the unknown, and with that I wonder to myself how that moment is going to be for everyone.... when we look and see what gender of child has been blessed into our family.

Under the sky and trees where I hope to deliver

Walking into our forest, I see the spot I'd like to deliver and look up - under the sky, surrounded by trees, and wonder if being able to deliver that way will happen or not - or if I'll be inside. Only time will tell when the moment comes. Either way is ok.

I've been looking for different things for this child.... clothes, stroller, carseat, swing.... and finding that whether or not s/he's a boy or a girl, I am leaning towards gender neutral items. It's so strange to be looking for baby items... this baby really is coming!

A day full of thought and thanks, 27w2d

Today was the first day since Shawn flew out, a few days after insems, that we've all seen him since he arrived back into the country not too long ago. I look at myself in the mirror this morning and remarked to myself how big my already large stomach has expanded these last few days.

It was wonderful though. Awkward in a way at first - here is this man, who's child grows inside of me, who I've only talked over online chat with since mid-September! LOL That feeling passed fairly quickly :) Although I wonder if that's how intended parents feel at first when getting together with their surrogate who they have only had email contact with, for an ultrasound or such.

Talk about heart melting - to see how easily Jennifer's daughter settled into his arms and showed obvious adorations of him. To see his softness towards her. I watched Kaitlynn in his arms and though about this baby that will be here soon.....

With all of my other pregnancies, including the three I carried for others, never has the man shown interest beyond a quick poke and acknoledgment at the child growing inside. Shawn though, showed such sweet interest, and was able to feel this baby's little bottom and head. Jennifer tried to get the little one to move and wiggle around but no luck. I felt a kick backwards towards my spine, but that was it. Shawn, patiently waited and felt, it was sweet.

Lunch was so delicious!! A wonderful time visiting and chatting, and more amazement - how this guy handles all the commotion of kid noises, more plates of food needed, while water is spilt by a 3yo, all while carrying on a conversation with two moms. It's impressive! He definitely fits within this family and circle of friends, LOL

Off to the microsoft visitors center, and to meet another one of his friends. The kids were in absolute heaven playing games, and Jen was able to go over questions needed for her school assignment.

The next place we went, I stood watching this man in just awe. Such giving and kindness... thoughtfulness.... even sitting here typing this I feel such appreciation towards him for who he is, as well as bewilderment - I'm in awe.

I see a part of me in all of my children, all that carry a part of me, and I watch this man and wonder if this baby will carry this kind quality that his dad carries. It feels like it, this is the most gentle and soft baby I've ever carried. I watched my son with him, and am thankful to Shawn for being such a wonderful role model around my son, Jonah, whenever he's with us. Where men seem to carry such "macho" behaviors, I hope Jonah can mature seeing that kindness and gentleness is the way to treat and talk with others.

At the end, Shawn handed out gifts to everyone that he brought back from China. My heart melts all over again, for his thoughtfulness. On our way back towards home, Jonah and I were talking. Talking about my choice for a donor, about what I like in Shawn, how it wasn't the time frame I knew him in but what my gut felt...... and he pointed something out....

"Mom, what was so amazing to see, is his obvious love for this baby. His facial expressions, and how much he cares...... it makes me almost cry" and he wiped his eyes.

I am thankful that Shawn came in to our lives. Thankful to him for giving our family the most precious gift, a part of himself so this baby could join our family. This baby is so lucky, he has the most wonderful dad I could ever imagine a child having.

Back here again

Once again I'm starting back on writing in this blog for this pregnancy, from the diary http://www.babycrowd.com/jr/online/stardreaming . When this baby's dad was in China, he couldn't open blogspot so I continued to write there. Recently though, babycrowd changed how the entries are posted, leaving me delighted to be back here to write :)