30 Weeks

30 Weeks... that's how far along I am today. It's incredible, really, how fast time seems to have gone. From the meeting of this man, to sharing of dreams, an offer to donate from him, acceptance from me, and the growing of a friendship and respect - along with the realization of both of our dreams. It's humbling.

I laid on my side this morning, feeling this little baby moving around inside. He's so gentle. As time continues on, I feel myself not so gripping onto 'what I want at the birth' and wondering instead how I can create a special experience for everyone.

The kids are excited. Jonah didn't realize that there was only 10 weeks left, he sung - especially when Jennifer and I pointed out that if he was this excited, how excited would he be if there was a penis on the baby that comes out - he sang :) Even if the baby is a girl though (which he's expecting since Jonah is my only son out of six children), he'd be delighted. He still does express that it's hard to believe that this baby is really for us and really is staying. Alyssa, too, is excited, and Katie.

Me? I sure am getting there, especially as I feel this baby move around more and more. I daydream about the day of his birth, and looking to see if the baby is a boy or a girl. I'm not looking to forward to the pain though - all six children have been born without any drugs, but these last two deliveries have hurt quite a bit, most especially the last one!

I find myself often hoping that I can give everything possible to this baby. Will he be just as peaceful in my arms, as he feels to be inside? Can I wear him on my body most of the time? I think about teaching him gardening, having a deep respect for the land and energy, and riding a horse. I also think about what type of relationship is father and him will have together as the months and years pass, and how I can support their relationship even if this child doesn't live with him.

I feel so peaceful inside, and thankful.