33w4d

The little one was much more active this morning, moving his/her head around and pushing a bit. Nothing too uncomfortable, and still nothing like the other children I've carried. I really enjoy laying on my side when I'm in bed, placing my hand over this gentle movement inside and feeling the little body movements. It's all so incredible.

I haven't felt as many braxon hicks with this baby as I've felt in the past also. I sure did this morning, though, and have felt more tonight. I've also had this lower achy feeling. Nothing to be alarmed at, just things to be aware of. I continue to be sure that I'm drinking enough water. Although I still have 1/2 bottle of my old vitamins left, I opened the bottle of vitamins that the dad gave me a few days ago.... ONE a day!! This is MUCH nicer then having to remember and take SIX, and I've certainly enjoyed it today :)

Since the ultrasound, these last few days have been interesting. When no one knew if this baby was a boy or a girl, it all was fine. But when the tech and the dad knew it all became uncomfortable. I felt myself listening for clues (drove me nuts that I was doing that! LOL).... not only from the dad, but also the tech too when she was finished. I wanted to know, but didn't want to know.

What was sad, is when it seems little signs said "girl", my heart dropped - and I felt the need just to know so I could be fine with it all. I didn't like that feeling, since either would be just fine. A girl would be beyond precious and so incredible.... a good part of me though does hope for a boy though. Jonah's my only boy, and with this being my last child it would be so amazing if I had one more son. Everyone but two people who have expressed their thoughts, have said boy ... and still say boy. Ryan, but also my almost 3yo surro-daughter Cassidy, who waved to the first ultrasound picture I sent them at 13weeks and said, "Hi Emily!" (she didn't know I was considering Emily as a name, since it was a name Jonah asked the day after insems *which he didn't know about*, if this little one turned out to be a girl).

And yet - a girl - how beautiful and wonderful. I love having daughters. There is something extra special about having a daughter - they're little magical princesses of the earth. I think about this baby being a girl, and feel the love and delight, all the what-ifs and her growing up... what she'll look like.... I say her name to myself and wonder if it will really fit her.

Where I felt my heart drop with the possibility of this baby being a girl after the ultrasound, I have also felt my heart re-fall back in love all over again to the possibility of a boy or a girl.

It's been quite an interesting process to go through, and I've enjoyed it. I am so thankful. Thankful to the dad, thankful to my children, and so completely thankful for this baby :)