First camping trip

I love the ocean, besides horses it's got to be one of my most favorite places to visit. Well, I suppose it's tied with anything having to do with nature. The sound, the air, the feel of the energy radiating from the ocean... it's all just so amazing.

Since moving to Washington, I wasn't sure where a nice camping place next to the ocean would be and so I stalled in going. A few weeks ago a friend, Charis, suggested that we all take a trip there with a few of our families and camp. A final trip to see off the summer before school started for our children. As much as I wanted to go, I found myself hesitating the night before. All the things I could be getting done at home during the weekend, but alas I found myself loading up in to the van the next day. Well stuffed with people and items, we headed out.



I couldn't wait to get down to the beach, to feel the water - to hear and see the waves. To cross from the path from the campground, to the path to the beach, you had to take a ferry across a fresh water stream. All the kids loved it, including the dogs! There was a bridge a little ways off we could have taken, but why, when the kids got such enjoyment watching us adults trying to balance and not get wet in this little ferry boat?



The sand was quite soft, softer then I've ever experienced walking on before. It was quite the workout, but enjoyable too... when shoes were off. To sink and feel this sand under your feet. Where the tide came up, the sand was squishy also! While trying to drawn a heart for Emily, my foot sank down in to the sand.





For the first part, Emily slept. I stood there with my eyes closed, listening to the ocean, feeling this cherished dream baby against me - kissing her head - and felt such thanks.



We ended up back up at the campsite after a while, and Emily fell asleep. The sun was setting, and I felt the draw to be on the beach when it set. Unfortunately, although we hustled (yes, I ran with sleeping baby in arms), some teens were at the ferry goofing around. We were able to get across eventually, but just barely missed the sunset. That's ok though, it was lovely to just be there :)

After the sun went down, we worked our way back to camp. Emily, was still asleep - she seems to sleep through anything! She eventually woke up and joined in with us on a game of charades - not like she could take a turn, but she was imitated by one of the players :D


She slept incredibly well for camping, and a new environment! She woke up once at 5:30am, to be hooked up to nurse, and then fell back asleep. Her final wakeup for the day was at 9:30am. What an excellent sleeper. She definitely earned the right to go camping again, soon!

After breakfast, and following our campsite being loaded back up in to the van, we headed back down to the beach. What heaven. We all agreed that we should have planned for two nights and three days. Next year :)

Jen tried to make hearts for all four of my children, but the tide came in too quickly....

Emily's patience finally wore out. She took the travel time to the beach well, camping, time on the beach, running mama trying to catch the sunset, the fire side games, and the scary bathroom stalls like a trooper.... but the ride home wasn't something she was too thrilled about in the least bit. Jennifer found Daisy, a little giraffe, in my diaper bag and hug it up for her. Emily found enjoyment it it. Poor thing though, Jen tried wiping her tears away but one remained when this picture was taken :(

Please, don't grow up too fast

Dear Emily -

Tomorrow marks 12 weeks since you came in to this world and blessed so many of us. You are amazing Emily. Your smile, which you freely give to so many people, leaves them smiling too.

You've just begun to squeal, and on occasion will let out a giggle. You bring laughter to this family every day. You are so beautiful and perfect, so absolutely amazing. My heart melts each time I look at you, your eyes sparkle with this beauty that words can't match. Although you usually spend the first part of your night sleeping in your papasan bouncy seat, I look forward to you asking to be brought in to bed. I love having you close. I love waking up with you in my arms, having you sleep against me, and every possible moment I can spend with you.

One of my favorite joys is sharing all I can with your dad. When he's around you, and when he talks about you, you can see all the love he has for you. All the pictures I send, he puts on a website so your grandparents can watch you too. They too, love you so much Emily.

What an amazing blessing you've been.

As each day passes, I feel like it's passing too fast. You're growing up. You're starting to push yourself up when you're on your stomach, and you're getting closer to rolling over. When I say this, it all seems like you're so young - which you are - but the days seem to be passing by so fast and with it you're growing quicker then my camera can capture.

Before you were born I had hopes you wouldn't grow up too quickly. I don't tend to give you "tummy time" like professionals say to give to build muscles.... I feel that you have many months and years to do that. I don't put you down and leave you to cry, as some say I should with thought that you should learn to comfort yourself.... I feel you have many years to learn that. I instead hold you often, am right there when you need comfort, tell you how wonderful you are, and follow with kisses. You rarely ever cry (with exception to the carseat). My hope, is to never look back and wish I had done something different.

You're almost three-months old. Wow. You were born ahead of your age, but sweet Emily, please don't grow up too fast :)

I love you, so very very much :)

The gift of life

Dear Emily ~

Yesterday a friend asked me about your dad.... I felt like I had so much I wanted to share with her, but I just couldn't put all I felt in to the right words to convey to her the extent of how much I appreciate him and the most wonderful person he is. I find myself often talking about him to you. Today you reached for the bracelet I wear and as I put it around your ankle I talked about how your dad brought it back from China for me, and how beautiful it was. I whisper to you how much your dad loves you, and what a great man he is.

He gave you, your sisters and brother, me... the world... the most wonderful gift. He gave you the chance to come in to our family. I can never begin to thank him enough for that. You are incredible Emily, so beautiful and perfect. We are so blessed to have you with us, and I relive that feeling every moment I look at you, touch you, and kiss you. Every time you grab my shirt, talk to me, and smile. And each time, I think of your dad and thank him.

I can't wait for him to see how big you've gotten - you've grown so much since he last saw you. He's traveling right now with your aunt and cousin, but although very tired he took the time last Tuesday to find a place to get online so he could wish you a happy nine weeks. He said he looks forward to seeing and holding you again :)

Tired mama

Emily, 9 1/2 weeks

And a little girl who will soon enough be running on the beach. Enjoying her peacefulness in my arms for now :)

Definitely tired looking, and hot....

Bubbles!!

A nickname Aunt Kate gave Emily yesterday - and oh so fitting too.

Bubbles

Emily is the queen of blowing bubbles, she really can get them going too! Quite tempting to pop them as they emerge :P If she blows bubbles now and most likely doesn't realize it, how is she going to be when she DOES realize her ability to blow bubbles??

Although this nickname will most likely now stick with her for the next number of years :)

~*~ Bubbles ~*~

Another day of smiles, giggles, and the river beach

I feel very blessed to have two girls that love Emily more then anything. Whenever possible she asks to hold Emily and spend some time with her. This occasionally is difficult for me since when I hand Emily over Emily begins to cry.... the whole "I need to be with mommy" stage that she's in right now. But then there's other times where she LOVES the interaction with Alyssa. I am thankful - so thankful. Emily has two of the best big sisters she could ever hope for, and two big sisters who love her tremendously :)

Emily smiles more then any baby I've ever met. When she was inside, at the 4D ultrasound she was grinning - the one that stands out to me most was when she grinned as I laughed. She does the same thing now. She continued to grin the day she was born, and since. She grins when she firsts wakes up and sees you, and any other time she catches your attention. She is such a happy baby! I hope that all I give her emotionally, she'll continue to feel happy, safe, and content.

We visited the beach again yesterday. The other three kids love to play in the water, and Emily really loves to do anything that's outside. Although she's put her feet in the sand before and enjoyed it, she really showed enjoyment yesterday as she pushed her feet around in the sand and watched them. She must be just starting to hit the stage of realizing she has feet - although, I've always touched them, played with her toes, kissed them...... she's started to grab by face with her feet. It is SO precious!

Horse Lover?

Today Emily and I, with Kate, went to visit a local horse show. It was a small one, full of pleasure classes, what certainly would be a great starter show for any green horse or rider. Seeing one of the classes happening, I felt such longing. I miss the show world, same feeling I felt visiting the Evergreen Classics yesterday. My hope is to be ready to show next year.

With Emily in arms, we went to see the CGS horse that Jennifer loves, Alexa. She is quite the beautiful morgan, no wonder Jen feels the way she does for her! I went over to Emily could touch her - it left me smiling seeing Emily's reaction. Her eyes got big and she leaned forward towards the horse, as she did when she visited the horse that Kate rode a few days ago.

Emily hasn't had too much interaction yet with our four horses, she has seen them twice.... once a few days after she was born (Pheobe loved her) and a few weeks later.

I wonder, will she love horses too? Will she be another one that wants to ride? If so, what type of riding will she want to do? Will she want to show? And most importantly, although I can train her (if she'll listen to me as a teacher), can I give her all she needs to succeed in the area she'd like to compete in? I sure hope so.

Jonah at 3yo showing Sierra. The season he won reserve pony hi-point. This picture was taken 10 years ago. Sierra is still with us, now considered Katie's who is almost 6yo. She'll be ready for Emily to ride in a few years if she would like, and introduce her to the show ring.

This is my girl, Aaleyah, who I plan to be showing next year. This picture was taken "three childrens" ago - lots of work to do to get my riding figure back. I miss riding so much, miss showing, and really miss riding Aaleyah. She is such an incredible horse that tries to hard to learn and please. We should have a lot of fun next year :D

Last year on a rescue horse from a local rescue group. I always use to say that it would be a miserable life to be born in to my family if you didn't like animals... especially horses. Can a 9wk old infant really show such enjoyment at just the sight of a horse, already? It seemed like it today. It'll be interesting to watch her as this next year passes. I've been terrible at making the time so my own children can ride, I really need to work more on that. We have the horses. Katie's been asking to ride, begging to ride, I need to make the time so she can. What a wonderful mother/daughter time too :) With Katie, it's been neat to see her asking to do things that she preferred not to do too much of last year. Riding is one, although she enjoyed it in little bits, but swimming is another.

I wonder if Emily will like swimming? The two older kids are like fishes, and Katie has begun to enjoy water this year too :)

Beats of Love

Dear Emily -

Every day you leave me catching my breath with the overwhelming amount of love I feel for you, that I can't even come close to putting in to words. You are incredible and amazing, and more then I ever dreamed of. Each night as I fall asleep I look forward to the morning time when I watch you open your eyes, look at me, and grin this adorable toothless grin. And each morning as I am blessed to experience such a powerful sweetness, I think of your dad and when he'll be able to experience the same, as he watches you wake up in the morning.

You still don't care for your carseat too much, or riding in the car - it's one of the few times that you cry, and it breaks my heart. I reach back and stroke your hair, touch the side of your face and ears, and hope that it brings you some sort of comfort... to know that you haven't been left. It does seem to help. I have started to learn that if I nurse you before putting you in your carseat it really does help.

I have started leaving your carseat in the car most of the time, choosing to unbuckle you and carry you in to where we're going. I love the feeling of bringing you out of the carseat and on to my shoulder, kissing your head and telling you how amazing and wonderful you are - beautiful and incredible. And you so really are. You tend to grab my shirt and pull yourself closer, leaves my heart skipping with love all that much more :)

Julie-Julie

Dear Emily -

You were able to visit "Julie-Julie", as your sisters call her, today as we once again headed back to the river. You are still on your "gotta be with mom" phase so you fussed of course, came back to me to nurse, and then headed back to her again. She's not one that's too keen on pictures, but was able to get a few. You'll really enjoy knowing her as you grow, she's a pretty neat person! She was there when your big sister, Katie, was born.

First horseback ride!

Who better then to give you your first horseback ride, then Auntie Kate!

We went out to see Kate ride today... temptation was just too great, and the horse she was on is extremely gentle. You loved it!! Another horse woman possibly??

A few more handful of firsts!

Dear Emily ~

Today as I held you, ran my fingers over you, and kissed your little head, tears overwhelmed me again. I am so in love with you, Emily. Your spirit is incredible. I've been trying to think of words to explain the type of person you feel to me, and all I can come up with is to close your eyes and imagine being gently embraced under the warm sun. I love holding you and having you close. Today in the store you charmed the cashier with your talking and smiles. You melt my heart, my little one.

Yesterday was a busy day for us! You visited your first water park, as we got together with a few friends for a BBQ. It's a simple park close by. You weren't too sure of the spouting water - although you love showers, not cold ones! lol -

Yesterday we visited "Julie's Beach", and you felt your first cool water envelope your feet and legs. You weren't too sure of it at first!

One of the sweet things you do, is wanting to hold something in your hand. When you're on my shoulder you tend to grab my shirt and pull yourself close. When you're nursing you hold on my shirt and hold it close to your face. As you slept in my lap yesterday, you held on to my thumb. You have quite a grip too! I wonder if you'd enjoy a little soft blanket to hold on to?

Following the water park we headed out to the next town over to see a friend. This was your second time with your feet really in the sand, and you LOVED it! You just watched your little feet and dug your toes around. You amaze me.

Auntie Kate, and she delightfully dubbed herself and I'm holding her to it, took you down to the river so she could put your feet in... another first for you. You weren't too sure of the COLD water! LOL

Little Beauty

Yearly Stopover at Cousin Molly's grave

Every year I drive down to Salem to drop my son off with his dad (midway meeting point). With my cousin passing away 20mo ago, these last two years I've made it a point to stop by and visit with her husband as well as Molly's grave on my way back up. It's been a very special time, where we can share stories of Molly. My daughters really miss her, especially Alyssa since the two of them were so much alike in Spirit. I miss her.

Molly knew about my dreams of having Emily, I shared them with her a handful of years ago as well as how I hadn't found the right donor yet and still continued to search. She'd share her own dreams children, and share sad stories about how she felt as though she failed as a mom to her own son :( I wish she had a chance to meet Emily in person, but don't doubt she knows her in spirit.

I am so thankful I gave Emily Molly's birthname, Michele. A very very special name, that although she went by Molly after her parent divorced when she was a very young girl (mom left with her), "Michele" as her birthname given to her by her dad. A dad who loved his daughter so much, and still does.

Aunt Karen visits!

One of my most favorite photos - Dad, Aunt, and Emily

Aunt Karen and Emily

I met Aunt Karen, who came visiting from China, two weeks ago. It was her first time meeting Emily. What a sweet person! Dad and I needed to go sign the birth certificate papers a few blocks away at a notory, and my heart clenched when he suggested leaving Emily with his sister. I knew she'd be fine and safe, but I suppose where I'd have no concern with Emily with her dad, it was different with his sister since I'd never seen her with Emily before. But we headed out, and all three of my girls stayed with Aunt Karen and her 16yo daughter. And, of course, Emily was just fine when we returned... cooing on the bed :)

They brought gifts for Emily from China. Some baby clothes, that are now hung in my closet waiting for her to grow in to them, some stomach covers, money in a red envelope, and the most beautiful piece.... a large silk blanket that goes on top of the bed. It's so beautiful! I hope to keep it packed away until Emily is old enough to have it on her own bed. Maybe we can take some photos with it a part of the picture too :)

We all got together another time - to visit the museum of flight and for lunch. I remember when I use to get together to visit my surro-daughters, the feeling of wanting to hold them the entire time. With this memory, I pass Emily off to her dad as soon as I arrive and as soon as she's done nursing. I want him to be able to absorb every part of his time with Emily as he can. I really enjoy watching the two of them together - I am so proud of her dad. Emily is so very lucky, so are my other children and I. Her dad is such a blessing to our family. I feel such gratefulness to him, not just for what he gave so Emily could join our family, but the obvious love he feels for her and surrounds her with whenever we get together.

Emily so obviously loves being with her dad

I hope before Aunt Karen has to head home, that Emily will be able to have some more time with her. Today I printed off some pictures to give to her and her daughter to take back with them to China. What a wonderful family. Aunt Karen's daughter, although very excited to meet Emily, is quite shy. I hope to be able to give them more time together before they have to leave. I'd love to be able to foster a pen-pal type relationship between the two of them with her being so far away.